List of the Most Common Maladaptive Coping Mechanisms

Coping and defense mechanisms are behavioral dispositions we use to cope with life stressors and adverse situations. They are important to our social-emotional functioning and are integral to how we deal with our day-to-day challenges. These coping strategies are relevant for our developmental functioning through the processes of self-regulation, adjustment, and adaption. A coping mechanism may be an automatic response to a (PTSD) trigger, involving our survival fight or flight response to perceived threat in our external environment. They typically are a result of our attempts to reduce our symptoms and discomfort in the short term but which have more devastating consequences on our health and lives in the long-term.

Below is a list of some of the most common coping mechanisms we tend to utilize in times of stress/distress. Although some can be constructive ways of dealing with life stressors, most are destructive patterns. Most of the following coping strategies are referred to as maladaptive or unhealthy coping strategies because they create more problems in the long run.

Denial – The flat-out rejection of the existence of a fact, usually due to being unable to face reality or admit to the obvious truth; Outright refusal to recognize that something has occurred or is currently occurring; We tend to succumb to this coping mechanism due to what we think admitting to a particular (harsher) truth might mean about us or what negative consequences may result from it; For instance, people with drug or alcohol addiction often deny that they have a problem, while victims of traumatic events (i.e. a violent crime) may deny that the event ever occurred in the first place.

• EX: A person diagnosed with a chronic illness might refuse to acknowledge the severity of the condition, avoiding necessary lifestyle changes

Minimizing – Admitting that something is true, but minimizing its importance; When someone accepts the reality and the seriousness of the fact, but deny their own responsibility and instead blame other people or other outside forces; Usually accompanied by statements like “you’re over-exaggerating” or “stop making such a big deal about it” when someone tries to stress the importance or seriousness of the matter.

• EX: A victim of domestic violence might downplay the severity of a physical injury on her body inflicted by her spouse by saying “But it was just this once” or “Oh, it was nothing”.

Avoidance – Refusing to deal with or encounter an unpleasant situation; For instance, a person with social anxiety might deliberately avoid public places or social gatherings to escape discomfort

• EX: Rather than discuss a problem with someone, you might simply start avoiding them altogether so you don’t have to even deal with the issue.

Repression – Unconsciously keeping unpleasant information from your conscious mind; After witnessing a distressing event, an individual might unconsciously block out the memories, appearing unaffected by the situation; When a memory is repressed it becomes no longer accessible to the person’s consciousness and therefore cease to exist to them so they may be represented instead in dreams. In some cases, the traumatic memory may suddenly re-appear months or even years later (in other words, pop back up to into their conscious awareness); Unfortunately, keeping these memories out of our consciousness awareness through repression does not make them disappear, so they continue to influence our behavior. A common example is being abused as a child but not remembering the painful memories. However, these repressed memories of abuse suffered as a child may manifest later in adulthood in the form of have difficulty forming relationships; Repression is sometimes contrasted as “the unconscious variant of suppression”

• EX: Being sexually assaulted or raped but not remembering the traumatic memories of the incident

Suppression – Consciously keeping unpleasant information from your conscious mind; In most cases, this removal of anxiety-provoking memories from awareness is believed to occur subconsciously; Suppression can be thought of as “repressing information consciously”

• EX: Being abused as a child but choosing to push it out of your mind

Deflection – When we redirect the focus, blame, or criticism away from ourselves in an attempt to preserve our self-image and avoid dealing with negative consequences; Shifting the responsibility onto something or someone else; Can be used as a way of avoiding feelings of guilt and shame or accountability; Blaming another person for your own mistakes or shortcomings rather than accepting the flaw or fault within yourself; Those with this defense mechanism feel the need to constantly look for, point out, and magnify flaws within other people (or if they can’t find any, literally ‘create’ it – such as by fabricating false rumors about them) in an effort to make their own inadequacies less apparent. They also do this in an attempt to divert attention away from their own wrongdoings – by painting a picture of someone else being in the wrong in some kind of way.

• EX: A hateful woman with loose morals who sleeps around accusing another woman of the same deeds while spreading rumors about her carrying an STD.
• EX: A jealous student who is failing a class lying to the teacher that they saw another student (who is acing the class) cheating.
• EX: A person who smokes cigarettes themselves being a hypocrite by looking down upon those who smoke – labelling them as ‘trashy’ and judging them for it.

Intellectualization – Avoiding thoughts about the stressful emotional aspect of the situation by instead focusing on the intellectual component; Emphasized focus on facts, logic, or abstract ideas/concepts; For instance, a person diagnosed with a terminal illness might focus on learning everything about the disease in order to avoid distress and remain distant from the reality of the situation and their feelings about it.

• EX: Faced with grief, a person might immerse themselves in researching the stages of mourning, avoiding the emotional impact

Regression – Reverting to old patterns of behavior used in earlier stages of development or to a childish state; Displaying more child-like behaviors such as crying or sulking like a baby upon hearing unpleasant news; For instance, an adult who is faced with financial stress might act childishly by throwing tantrums and avoiding responsibility.

• EX: Hugging a teddy bear when you’re stressed, like you did when you were a child

Displacement – Taking our feelings and frustrations out on others (usually people that pose no threat or are less frightening to us); For example, a boy experiencing intense rage and hatred towards his mother cannot act on these impulses so he displaces his feelings about his mother onto other people whom he associates with her – like showing hostile behavior toward other women who embody the same characteristics and behaviors as his mother.

• EX: Being angry at your boss, but taking it out on your spouse when you get home from work, instead – knowing that expressing your anger by arguing with your boss could lead to negative consequences like losing your job.

Dissociation – Becoming separated or removed from your experience; When dealing with something stressful, you might mentally and emotionally disengage yourself from the situation; A common symptom of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD); For instance, a victim of a traumatic event might detach from reality, feeling numb and disconnected, as a result of being unable to cope with the memories.

• EX: A client experiences a short-lived gap in consciousness (in response to anxiety and stress) when triggered by a smell which reminds her of a painful memory from her past when she was sexually assaulted. When she dissociates, she experiences what feels like lapses in time, whereas by utilizing this defense mechanism of “not re-experiencing” this particular stressful incident, she is in a way subconsciously protecting herself from harmful memories that she isn’t ready to deal with at this point in time in her life.

Compensation / Overcompensation – An attempt to make up for dissatisfaction in one domain of one’s life or for what one considers to be their shortcomings – whether these flaws are real or imaginary, psychological or physical; When the compensatory response is excessive compared to the shortcoming, then it is typically described as Overcompensation; Overachieving in one area to compensate for failures (or things you lack in) in another; Can think of it as swaying to one extreme or the other opposite extreme; The flip side of this is remembering that “there’s a limit to everything”

• EX: A student who struggles academically might overexert by excelling in athletics to gain recognition and self-esteem.

Self-Blaming – After a project failure, a team member might internalize all the blame, feeling guilty and questioning their self-worth

Humility – An employee might consistently downplay their contributions during evaluations to avoid drawing attention and expectations (or to avoid appearing too egotistical or ‘full of themselves’)

Bypassing –  In a failing relationship, one partner might focus solely on the happy moments, ignoring underlying issues and denying any negative emotions; one form of this is called Spiritual Bypassing where we use spiritual truths to avoid making necessary changes/improvements

Overlay – Feeling glad to have the attention of a new partner and not wanting to lose that connection, an individual might project fantasies about their partner over the reality of them, causing the to clash when the partner doesn’t line up with the overlay (of them) created (in their minds)

Distancing – Someone might create emotional, metal, and/or physical distance after a heated argument with a friend, avoiding communication and confrontation with them

Disconnection / Withdrawal – Feeling vulnerable, a person might withdraw emotionally, not sharing their thoughts and feelings with close ones. They may also self-isolate physically and prefer solidarity because it’s easier than the pressure felt around others; Occurs as a result of feeling overwhelmed, frightened, or challenged by other human relationships; someone using this coping strategy typically struggles with not feeling like they can be their true authentic selves around others

Distraction – Engaging or “busying oneself” with other activities to distract oneself from the stressful event; a passive strategy to avoid directly confronting the situation or trying to solve the problem; procrastination is one form of this coping mechanism

Distortion – Involves a person believing something to be true when it isn’t; it is used to protect a person from the uncomfortable or unbearable reality of a situation; negative thinking patterns (i.e. internal mental biases) that aren’t based on fact or reality which usually increases our misery and ends up making us feel worst about ourselves

• EX: A girl with poor social skills who is inattentive towards her partner may inaccurately believe that her boyfriend dumped her because she isn’t pretty enough.

Numbing – Aims to dull the (strong and uncomfortable) emotional experience of the stressful situation

Falling Asleep – During a stressful family gathering, an individual might retreat to a bedroom, using sleep as an escape

Addictive Behavior / Addiction – Someone experiencing a breakup might start binge drinking to numb the pain and escape reality

Attacking – feeling criticized and cornered in an argument, a person might lash out verbally to defend themselves

Passive Aggression – indirectly expressing (or channeling your) anger; unhappy with a colleague, someone might express their displeasure indirectly such as giving the silent treatment or subtly undermining them

• EX: Instead of telling someone that you are upset, you might talk bad about them to someone else behind their back

Acting Out – coping with stress by engaging in actions rather than acknowledging and bearing certain feelings

• EX: Instead of telling someone that you are angry with them, you might yell at them or throw something against the wall

Aim Inhibition – Accepting a modified form of their original goal

• EX: Becoming a HS Basketball Coach rather than a Professional Athlete

Fantasizing (or Fantasy) – Avoiding reality by retreating to a safe place within your mind (retreating to your own internal world)

• EX: When something in your life is causing anxiety, you might retreat to your inner world where the cause of the stress cannot harm you

Identification – A highly valued external object is regarded as separate from the individual

Introjection – The boundary between the individual and the external object is blurred

Splitting (or Fragmentation) – An unstable assignment of positive or negative evaluation of oneself or others where either only good or only bad qualities are considered within oneself or other individuals; For example, in situations where a person’s need is being met by the external party, he/she is “good”. When one’s needs are frustrated, then the external party is “bad” and only negative attributes are assigned to them. This is why those who have developed a splitting mechanism tend to have unstable interpersonal relationships. Splitting is typically associated with poor development of the self during childhood; Although children normally tend to hold polarized beliefs about themselves and other people, they integrate negative and positive beliefs and representations as they get older. However, if the child is continually exposed to negative situations, then this integration is interrupted and becomes the default mechanism through which they view and understand the world. An effective technique which is common in Spiritual healing practices (such as through Inner Child Work) involves the concept of integrating our split (or “fragmented”) selves as a way of healing from old childhood wounds in adulthood.

• EX: Emily has been continually exposed to negative situations/circumstances in her life as opposed to positive ones, to the point where her perspective of how the world works has become polarized to one extreme – so her worldview is that “the world is a cruel and dangerous place to live in” and that “everyone is out for themselves”, as well as other similar painful thoughts/belief systems.

Conversion – The transformation of psychological pain or distress into physiological impairment (typically of sensory or motor symptoms such as blindness, paralysis, seizures, etc.); the physiological symptoms and experiences are idiopathic (without origin) and cannot be explained by another disease process.

• EX: A disorder, physical disability/impairment, or illness/disease (such as acne) being developed in response to an extreme external stressor (stress of being overworked and still facing poverty)

Humor –  Pointing out the funny or ironic aspects of a situation; Cracking jokes in a stressful or traumatic situation

• EX: During a tense work meeting, an individual might crack jokes to lighten the atmosphere and deflect from the seriousness of the conversation.

Undoing – Trying to make up for what you feel are inappropriate thoughts, feelings, or behaviors; For example, if you hurt someone’s feelings, you might offer to do something nice for them to assuage your anxiety or guilt. Undoing can also refer to times when a person is ruminating on previous events, often replaying and reimagining them as a way to change what happened and, as a result, help protect against certain feelings or behaviors. Since the event has already happened, there is nothing that can actually be done to change that particular (undesired) outcome. A person will usually succumb to this coping mechanism if they are feeling particularly powerless to some external force beyond their control.

• EX: Sally was ruminating on how she should have responded when she said something disrespectful to her best friend out of anger, which resulting in the ending of their friendship.

Altruism – Satisfying one’s own internal needs through helping others

• EX: Someone recovering from substance use might volunteer to help others in recovery as a way to deal with drug cravings

Reaction Formation – Replacing an unwanted impulse with its opposite; Taking up the opposite feeling, impulse, or behavior; Displaying a facade or ‘fake front’; Hiding your true feelings by behaving in the exact opposite manner; For instance, being sad about a recent breakup, but acting happy about it

• EX: Treating someone you strongly dislike in an excessively friendly manner in order to hide your true feelings

Sublimation / Substitution – Converting unacceptable impulses into more acceptable outlets; It allows us to act out unacceptable impulses by converting/transforming these behaviors into a more acceptable form; For instance, a person experiencing extreme anger might take up kickboxing as a means of venting frustration; Considered a “mature”  and “constructive” coping mechanisms which allows people to function normally in socially acceptable ways

• EX: Being upset with your spouse, but going for a walk instead of fighting
• EX: Unable to express anger towards an authority figure (i.e. an unjust manager), an employee might channel that frustration into rigorous exercise